A Business Decision: Filing for Bankruptcy

It has been brewing on my mind even before I put the kettle on. I was itching to end something that hadn't even started yet. I was raring to put a stop to something that I know I'm not ready for.

But curiosity won. And a need was factored as well. So I let it unfold. And I rushed it into unfolding even before its time so I can end it immediately. Call it unfinished business. A business I had to tinker with, had to play with, had to taste and had to experience before I can say it is indeed finished.

So I had a closure. And I tried to end it with as much honesty as possible. I said what I couldn't say before. Something that made it unfinished after all these years. Something that kept me tied to it. Something that affected my other businesses.

But I didn't see a revelation coming. That person started another business while doing business with me. Does that change things? I cannot answer for the other person. I can only answer for myself. I made that business decision of filing for bankruptcy even without fighting for it and giving it a chance because I am not ready for that kind of business. Not with that person. And definitely not right now. Whether I knew of it beforehand, my decision would have been the same, maybe it would hasten things up (as if I didn't rush it already).

Does that make our business a sham? NO. Not on my part that is. It has always been an unfinished business for me because it is something I care about but never had the courage to fight for. It is important to me but there are things far more important right now.

Why did I file for bankruptcy? I never had the capital. The location, parties involved, etc are all wrong. It was a business established without careful planning. Because it was a business you do not actually plan for. Meeting the man you love who was in a relationship just like you are. It's letting him go because that's how you can show that you love him. It's meeting him again and again over the years and still the situation isn't right. And when you meet him for the last time, you both have baggages that make it hard to continue the journey. That's why you let go.

That's why I let go. And like the first time, I'm letting go because he is special to me. But unlike before, I'm letting go because I love myself.