Sigh...
Sigh...
Sigh...
When will it end? When will the confusion be sorted out? When will the end come? When will the feelings cease? When will new feelings set in?
Sigh...
It's not making any sense. It stopped having sense when I started feeling something.
Sigh...
Friday, July 27, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Happy Together
Many have commented on the PIC. But they said the same thing. We looked so happy.
We were! We were happy. Even if we are no longer together and our breakup is quite something, I have enough good will (no pun intended) to say that we had a wonderful relationship. I have no regrets whatsoever. I am grateful that for some time, he was mine and I was his. I am grateful that for some time, someone showed me great love, understanding, patience, tolerance, acceptance and appreciation.
Yes we were happy. We did not end up as friends because maybe we reached the point in our relationship that it's either we end up together or we forget each other. He will always have a special place in my heart. I hated him when we broke up, but guess what, hatred passed and the love remain.
We were happy. And when that happiness left, it was worse (not bad. No comparison at all). That's why I've been through worse. And that's why I have that pic with me to remind me that.
By the way, it fell out of my folder this afternoon. Good thing nobody has stepped on it yet when I walked back and looked for it. Hey, we are no longer together but we were! Nobody can change that. Even if I throw all the momentos away, that fact will remain. :)
We were! We were happy. Even if we are no longer together and our breakup is quite something, I have enough good will (no pun intended) to say that we had a wonderful relationship. I have no regrets whatsoever. I am grateful that for some time, he was mine and I was his. I am grateful that for some time, someone showed me great love, understanding, patience, tolerance, acceptance and appreciation.
Yes we were happy. We did not end up as friends because maybe we reached the point in our relationship that it's either we end up together or we forget each other. He will always have a special place in my heart. I hated him when we broke up, but guess what, hatred passed and the love remain.
We were happy. And when that happiness left, it was worse (not bad. No comparison at all). That's why I've been through worse. And that's why I have that pic with me to remind me that.
By the way, it fell out of my folder this afternoon. Good thing nobody has stepped on it yet when I walked back and looked for it. Hey, we are no longer together but we were! Nobody can change that. Even if I throw all the momentos away, that fact will remain. :)
Trial Separation
I let go right? And suddenly this guy is telling me that he was testing me that's why he said he has a partner. Dear, whether or not you have a girlfriend my decision to let go would still be the same.
I appreciate your attention. But something in me has changed. After putting into words and actions the idea of letting go that had been brewing for so many days, something in me has changed. Suddenly I can breathe again.
Whether you put me on trial or not, separation it still is. It's not a trial separation! You wanted to be friends? Fine. I am your friend. Let's just be clear about your idea of friendship is okay? I want us to be on the same page.
I appreciate your attention. But something in me has changed. After putting into words and actions the idea of letting go that had been brewing for so many days, something in me has changed. Suddenly I can breathe again.
Whether you put me on trial or not, separation it still is. It's not a trial separation! You wanted to be friends? Fine. I am your friend. Let's just be clear about your idea of friendship is okay? I want us to be on the same page.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I've Been Through Worse
Today, I propped a pic on my monitor. Everybody was asking who was with me. I said it was my ex. One brave soul asked why I had it there. I said it was to remind me that I've been through worse. That whatever I'm going through right now, I know I can get through it because I was able to recover from our relationship.
You see, that relationship had a big impact on my life. He was my world. Our relationship was all that mattered. And when we broke up, there was no me. Just a vague idea that somehow the idea of me existed and maybe I can make it exist again.
Recovering from the breakup was and is an uphill climb. Im checking myself religiously. Im giving myself a hug when Im doing something right. Im consoling myself when I remember what happened and the feelings get the best of me. Im affirming myself when insecurities eat my guts.
And now that Im having a challenging month at work, I unearthed the pic again. It reminds me that I've been through worse and that whatever Im going through now is nothing compared to what I went through with our breakup.
"Is he the hubby?" one brave soul asked.
"Nope."
"Then who is he?" she asked again.
"My ex." I answered and smiled.
I felt her confusion. And I smiled again.
"But you looked so happy together."
Yes we were happy. But that happiness was long gone before we ended the relationship. Still we tried to hang on. Only to find out that we were hanging by a fragile thread. A thread that broke easily when somebody tugged on it.
I've been through worse. Thanks my dear.
You see, that relationship had a big impact on my life. He was my world. Our relationship was all that mattered. And when we broke up, there was no me. Just a vague idea that somehow the idea of me existed and maybe I can make it exist again.
Recovering from the breakup was and is an uphill climb. Im checking myself religiously. Im giving myself a hug when Im doing something right. Im consoling myself when I remember what happened and the feelings get the best of me. Im affirming myself when insecurities eat my guts.
And now that Im having a challenging month at work, I unearthed the pic again. It reminds me that I've been through worse and that whatever Im going through now is nothing compared to what I went through with our breakup.
"Is he the hubby?" one brave soul asked.
"Nope."
"Then who is he?" she asked again.
"My ex." I answered and smiled.
I felt her confusion. And I smiled again.
"But you looked so happy together."
Yes we were happy. But that happiness was long gone before we ended the relationship. Still we tried to hang on. Only to find out that we were hanging by a fragile thread. A thread that broke easily when somebody tugged on it.
I've been through worse. Thanks my dear.
Eyebags
I saw a picture of me taken by a friend. Damn, I got eyebags. Why????????? I sleep a lot. I use eye creams.
And why is it called a bag? For the tears I have yet to let fall down my eyes? You mean, after crying all these months, there are more left? Oh oh..
And why is it called a bag? For the tears I have yet to let fall down my eyes? You mean, after crying all these months, there are more left? Oh oh..
Me, Myself and I
It's hard to turn your back on someone who means a lot to you. What's harder is when that someone still tries to talk to you. Should I look back and reply? But I don't want to go back coz I might lose myself again.
It's me, myself and I. That's my main focus right now. Because I am the most important person in my universe. And for a while I have forgotten my importance because all my energies were focused on other people. Who suffered? I did. And I still do.
Because it's me, myself and I phase, I know I have to let go of some people. I did. To some, it might be difficult to understand. But I completely understand why I did what I did. And to me, that's what is most important.
It's hard not to reply. It's hard not to communicate. It's hard not to cling to some semblance of normalcy between us. But we know things have changed. And no matter what we do, we cannot go back to the way we used to. And no matter what you do, I cannot and will not recall the words I already said. I have made my decision and Im going to stick to it. Please don't test my resolve. I know that is what you are doing. Trying to pretend that everything is the same. It's not. Let's face it. It's over.
Me, myself and I. When I make decisions for myself, I realized that it would lead me to the right decision. I don't care what you think about my decision. Because if I start caring about it, I know I'd go back to the way we were and I just would end getting hurt all over again.
It's me, myself and I. That's my main focus right now. Because I am the most important person in my universe. And for a while I have forgotten my importance because all my energies were focused on other people. Who suffered? I did. And I still do.
Because it's me, myself and I phase, I know I have to let go of some people. I did. To some, it might be difficult to understand. But I completely understand why I did what I did. And to me, that's what is most important.
It's hard not to reply. It's hard not to communicate. It's hard not to cling to some semblance of normalcy between us. But we know things have changed. And no matter what we do, we cannot go back to the way we used to. And no matter what you do, I cannot and will not recall the words I already said. I have made my decision and Im going to stick to it. Please don't test my resolve. I know that is what you are doing. Trying to pretend that everything is the same. It's not. Let's face it. It's over.
Me, myself and I. When I make decisions for myself, I realized that it would lead me to the right decision. I don't care what you think about my decision. Because if I start caring about it, I know I'd go back to the way we were and I just would end getting hurt all over again.
A Business Decision: Cease Operations and Permanent Closure
Closure. That's what I needed after all these years. So I looked for the courage to do it on the haystack that is full of self-doubts, regrets of what was and what could have been, and loneliness. But looked I did.
So I had the closure. I felt so sad about ending something I want but I don't need. I felt so sad about saying goodbye to someone I enjoy being with but shouldn't be. I felt so sad about choosing to be alone when I am lonely.
But we are still friends, you confirmed. NO. We can't and you know that. You know why. You are everything to me but a friend. We can't.
Can we still see each other? NO. It's impossible to do that and stay platonic.
I had my closure. And part of that is to cease operations. I hate to see you go. But I'd hate myself if I let you stay.
So I had the closure. I felt so sad about ending something I want but I don't need. I felt so sad about saying goodbye to someone I enjoy being with but shouldn't be. I felt so sad about choosing to be alone when I am lonely.
But we are still friends, you confirmed. NO. We can't and you know that. You know why. You are everything to me but a friend. We can't.
Can we still see each other? NO. It's impossible to do that and stay platonic.
I had my closure. And part of that is to cease operations. I hate to see you go. But I'd hate myself if I let you stay.
A Business Decision: Filing for Bankruptcy
It has been brewing on my mind even before I put the kettle on. I was itching to end something that hadn't even started yet. I was raring to put a stop to something that I know I'm not ready for.
But curiosity won. And a need was factored as well. So I let it unfold. And I rushed it into unfolding even before its time so I can end it immediately. Call it unfinished business. A business I had to tinker with, had to play with, had to taste and had to experience before I can say it is indeed finished.
So I had a closure. And I tried to end it with as much honesty as possible. I said what I couldn't say before. Something that made it unfinished after all these years. Something that kept me tied to it. Something that affected my other businesses.
But I didn't see a revelation coming. That person started another business while doing business with me. Does that change things? I cannot answer for the other person. I can only answer for myself. I made that business decision of filing for bankruptcy even without fighting for it and giving it a chance because I am not ready for that kind of business. Not with that person. And definitely not right now. Whether I knew of it beforehand, my decision would have been the same, maybe it would hasten things up (as if I didn't rush it already).
Does that make our business a sham? NO. Not on my part that is. It has always been an unfinished business for me because it is something I care about but never had the courage to fight for. It is important to me but there are things far more important right now.
Why did I file for bankruptcy? I never had the capital. The location, parties involved, etc are all wrong. It was a business established without careful planning. Because it was a business you do not actually plan for. Meeting the man you love who was in a relationship just like you are. It's letting him go because that's how you can show that you love him. It's meeting him again and again over the years and still the situation isn't right. And when you meet him for the last time, you both have baggages that make it hard to continue the journey. That's why you let go.
That's why I let go. And like the first time, I'm letting go because he is special to me. But unlike before, I'm letting go because I love myself.
But curiosity won. And a need was factored as well. So I let it unfold. And I rushed it into unfolding even before its time so I can end it immediately. Call it unfinished business. A business I had to tinker with, had to play with, had to taste and had to experience before I can say it is indeed finished.
So I had a closure. And I tried to end it with as much honesty as possible. I said what I couldn't say before. Something that made it unfinished after all these years. Something that kept me tied to it. Something that affected my other businesses.
But I didn't see a revelation coming. That person started another business while doing business with me. Does that change things? I cannot answer for the other person. I can only answer for myself. I made that business decision of filing for bankruptcy even without fighting for it and giving it a chance because I am not ready for that kind of business. Not with that person. And definitely not right now. Whether I knew of it beforehand, my decision would have been the same, maybe it would hasten things up (as if I didn't rush it already).
Does that make our business a sham? NO. Not on my part that is. It has always been an unfinished business for me because it is something I care about but never had the courage to fight for. It is important to me but there are things far more important right now.
Why did I file for bankruptcy? I never had the capital. The location, parties involved, etc are all wrong. It was a business established without careful planning. Because it was a business you do not actually plan for. Meeting the man you love who was in a relationship just like you are. It's letting him go because that's how you can show that you love him. It's meeting him again and again over the years and still the situation isn't right. And when you meet him for the last time, you both have baggages that make it hard to continue the journey. That's why you let go.
That's why I let go. And like the first time, I'm letting go because he is special to me. But unlike before, I'm letting go because I love myself.
Strings
It seems to me that the things that are happening in my life now are leading me to tie up loose strings and cut those that are attached.
For the strings attached that tie me to old patterns of behavior are slowly being severed. The separation from those familiar but not necessarily good strings are somehow liberating and a little saddening.
For the loose strings, maybe they are still there because it was meant to be kept. And the spaces that severed strings vacated are giving me the strength to work on those loose strings.
Whatever.
For the strings attached that tie me to old patterns of behavior are slowly being severed. The separation from those familiar but not necessarily good strings are somehow liberating and a little saddening.
For the loose strings, maybe they are still there because it was meant to be kept. And the spaces that severed strings vacated are giving me the strength to work on those loose strings.
Whatever.
Before I Let You Go
I have a special fondness for this song. Its entirety doesn't really describe what we had. But it is something I associated with him. This is the song I used to ask him to play for me which had the power to put me to sleep.
But now, whenever I play this song, it is not sleep that presents itself to me. Tears. I feel the tears threatening me. And it is the kind of threat that weakens me.
Before I let you go
I want to say I love you
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it'strue,baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do,
yeah So before I let you go
I want to say it.....
I love you..
There. That's something I have never said to him. Why? I don't know. Maybe because it would ruin things between us. Maybe because if I do there is no turning back. I don't know.
Every letting-go-time, that song will play in my head. It's playing in my head for quite some time now. And I think, like before, that's where the words will stay.
But now, whenever I play this song, it is not sleep that presents itself to me. Tears. I feel the tears threatening me. And it is the kind of threat that weakens me.
Before I let you go
I want to say I love you
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it'strue,baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do,
yeah So before I let you go
I want to say it.....
I love you..
There. That's something I have never said to him. Why? I don't know. Maybe because it would ruin things between us. Maybe because if I do there is no turning back. I don't know.
Every letting-go-time, that song will play in my head. It's playing in my head for quite some time now. And I think, like before, that's where the words will stay.
Run Cherry Run!
It just occurred to me that there goes the old behavior of running away from my fears. That is why untangling my thoughts is taking me so long. Because I'm afraid of what I will realize.
He has always been special to me. I cannot deny that. That is why every time, the action has always been to let him go. I never took that extra step to take me to an extra mile. Maybe, some part of me recognizes the fact that some things really aren't meant to be.
Or maybe, whatever it is only comes from my side of the fence. And some wishful thinking on my part put that false reality that there might be something between us.
Maybe that's it. It has never been put out in the open. There was never a talk about it. We used to talk a lot. But what is happening between us is something we never talked about.
There goes my fear. What really is it? Some kind of a game? We used to be close. But the closer we get, the muddier it becomes. That's why my action is always to let him go. But time and again, we'd find each other talking again.
And now that I'm feeling the old fears creeping in, I can feel my legs preparing itself to run far away again. But every time, I am poised to run, there he'd appear. Unknowing of what Im planning to do. And seeing him when Im about to run far from him is keeping me from taking that first step.
He has always been special to me. I cannot deny that. That is why every time, the action has always been to let him go. I never took that extra step to take me to an extra mile. Maybe, some part of me recognizes the fact that some things really aren't meant to be.
Or maybe, whatever it is only comes from my side of the fence. And some wishful thinking on my part put that false reality that there might be something between us.
Maybe that's it. It has never been put out in the open. There was never a talk about it. We used to talk a lot. But what is happening between us is something we never talked about.
There goes my fear. What really is it? Some kind of a game? We used to be close. But the closer we get, the muddier it becomes. That's why my action is always to let him go. But time and again, we'd find each other talking again.
And now that I'm feeling the old fears creeping in, I can feel my legs preparing itself to run far away again. But every time, I am poised to run, there he'd appear. Unknowing of what Im planning to do. And seeing him when Im about to run far from him is keeping me from taking that first step.
Tangled
My thoughts are tangled. No amount of combing through it helps. The more I try to sort it out, the more confused I become. Or maybe the more I think about it, the more tangles I discover.
First tangle: my feelings about him.
Second tangle: what do I really feel about him?
Third tangle: why do I care what i feel about him?
Fourth tangle: why do I care that I care about what I feel for him?
Fifth tangle: are my feelings for him related to what I feel for another person?
Sixth tangle: why is the situation making me afraid?
Those are the tangles for now. Because Im getting confused again. I'll try to answer them one at a time. Maybe, just maybe, one tangle may be sorted out.
First tangle: my feelings about him.
Second tangle: what do I really feel about him?
Third tangle: why do I care what i feel about him?
Fourth tangle: why do I care that I care about what I feel for him?
Fifth tangle: are my feelings for him related to what I feel for another person?
Sixth tangle: why is the situation making me afraid?
Those are the tangles for now. Because Im getting confused again. I'll try to answer them one at a time. Maybe, just maybe, one tangle may be sorted out.
Bad Weather
it's the weather. i am blaming it on the weather. coz now i am terribly missing the warmth of a human body next to mine. and that sense of deprivation is so distinct i can feel the coldness right down to my bones.
telling myself that it's okay to be alone is getting tiresome especially when hiding under the covers is driving home the fact that i am not snuggling with somebody. damn.. maybe i should get a pillow shaped like a body.
bad weather. bed weather. it's a bad weather indeed being alone in the bed.
telling myself that it's okay to be alone is getting tiresome especially when hiding under the covers is driving home the fact that i am not snuggling with somebody. damn.. maybe i should get a pillow shaped like a body.
bad weather. bed weather. it's a bad weather indeed being alone in the bed.
Finished Business
Finished business. Now i know why over the years it had been unfinished. Because if i had done it before, i wouldn't have done it now.
Am I okay with the finished business? I am. It's just saddening to know that it was meant to end. But i am at the point in my life where i am hungry for the answers, at least for those that i can get. with those that i can't, i just let it go.
Am I okay with the finished business? I am. It's just saddening to know that it was meant to end. But i am at the point in my life where i am hungry for the answers, at least for those that i can get. with those that i can't, i just let it go.
Unfinished Business
Everything happens for a reason. Seemingly random events ultimately have reasons. What seems a coincidence is not really that at all.
So why have I met this person again after so many years? Why have I met this person the night I took that one big step for myself so I can veer away from an unpleasant situation? Why have I met this person the time I wanted to be alone? Why have I met this person when I wanted to be free and single?
Friendship? Unfinished business perhaps? But if I finish it, whatever business that is, will that person be gone from my life and never to be seen again?
So why have I met this person again after so many years? Why have I met this person the night I took that one big step for myself so I can veer away from an unpleasant situation? Why have I met this person the time I wanted to be alone? Why have I met this person when I wanted to be free and single?
Friendship? Unfinished business perhaps? But if I finish it, whatever business that is, will that person be gone from my life and never to be seen again?
Goodbye House
Blind-sided. That's what I would call it. I was busy living my life that when I found out he was letting go of the apartment, I was shocked. It was saddening. It was our place. The silent witness to what we had. It was where dreams were built, fights were resolved...
But i knew why that happened. I just didn't know that it would. Slowly, my Higher Power is cutting the strings that attach me to him. He was letting go of his past, I am embracing my future.
So where exactly am I? Embroiled with the past or anxious with the future? Hmmmm.... With my present. With my Higher Power's present to me.
Goodbye House...
But i knew why that happened. I just didn't know that it would. Slowly, my Higher Power is cutting the strings that attach me to him. He was letting go of his past, I am embracing my future.
So where exactly am I? Embroiled with the past or anxious with the future? Hmmmm.... With my present. With my Higher Power's present to me.
Goodbye House...
It's Joke Time!!!!!!!
Ponski Joke #1:
P: Ano ang gusto mong itawag ko sa yo para sweet naman? Sweetheart? Etc etc.
C: La ako maisip eh. Ano ba?
P: Babe na lang.
Hmmmm… Para uniform. Babe din ang tawag sa ibang babae. Harharhar!
Ponski Joke #2
P: Ano ka ba, wala nga kami nung chichen na un.
C: O eh bakit ganun na lang sya umasta?
P: Ewan ko sa kanya. I consider her a stalker.
Makalipas ang ilang linggo at ilan pang pag-aaway..
P: Wag mo na praningin ang sarili mo sa kaka-chichen na yan. Wala naman talaga. Wala akong iba.
C: Siguraduhin mo lang. Baka nagsisinungaling ka lang ha.
Hmmmm… Di sya nagsisinungaling. Kasi hindi na si chichen. Iba na! Harharhar!
Ponski Joke #3
P: Ayoko na. May gf na ako dito. I need space.
C: !@#$%^&*()__++”:?>
Hmmmmm… Space????? Space lang? Helloeur?!
Ponski Joke #4
P: Ikaw ang aasahan ko na titingin sa bahay habang wala ako.
C: Okay..
Makalipas ang ilang lingo..
P: Ayan nanakaw ang tv. Di ka kasi nagpupunta sa bahay. Sabi ko bantayan mo.
Hmmmm… Dapat pala ikaw ang binantayan kasi ako ang nasalisihan. Harharharhar!
Ponski Joke #5 Dec 26, 2006. Text.
P: You were really pretty last night C. Una ngang pumasok sa utak ko eh ang ganda ng magiging mga anak natin..
C: (nagpabola) Thank you… J
Hmmmmm… Baka namissent lang.. Kaw naman C..
Ponski Joke #6
P: Mamya ka na tumawag kasi nasa work ako.
Girl’s voice could be heard in the background.
P: o tinatawag na ako ng supervisor ko.
C: Supervisor?!
P: Sige na, at nasa work ako. Super busy.
Hmmmmm.. Working the dirty job… Shitting inside the fence huh?
P: Ano ang gusto mong itawag ko sa yo para sweet naman? Sweetheart? Etc etc.
C: La ako maisip eh. Ano ba?
P: Babe na lang.
Hmmmm… Para uniform. Babe din ang tawag sa ibang babae. Harharhar!
Ponski Joke #2
P: Ano ka ba, wala nga kami nung chichen na un.
C: O eh bakit ganun na lang sya umasta?
P: Ewan ko sa kanya. I consider her a stalker.
Makalipas ang ilang linggo at ilan pang pag-aaway..
P: Wag mo na praningin ang sarili mo sa kaka-chichen na yan. Wala naman talaga. Wala akong iba.
C: Siguraduhin mo lang. Baka nagsisinungaling ka lang ha.
Hmmmm… Di sya nagsisinungaling. Kasi hindi na si chichen. Iba na! Harharhar!
Ponski Joke #3
P: Ayoko na. May gf na ako dito. I need space.
C: !@#$%^&*()__++”:?>
Hmmmmm… Space????? Space lang? Helloeur?!
Ponski Joke #4
P: Ikaw ang aasahan ko na titingin sa bahay habang wala ako.
C: Okay..
Makalipas ang ilang lingo..
P: Ayan nanakaw ang tv. Di ka kasi nagpupunta sa bahay. Sabi ko bantayan mo.
Hmmmm… Dapat pala ikaw ang binantayan kasi ako ang nasalisihan. Harharharhar!
Ponski Joke #5 Dec 26, 2006. Text.
P: You were really pretty last night C. Una ngang pumasok sa utak ko eh ang ganda ng magiging mga anak natin..
C: (nagpabola) Thank you… J
Hmmmmm… Baka namissent lang.. Kaw naman C..
Ponski Joke #6
P: Mamya ka na tumawag kasi nasa work ako.
Girl’s voice could be heard in the background.
P: o tinatawag na ako ng supervisor ko.
C: Supervisor?!
P: Sige na, at nasa work ako. Super busy.
Hmmmmm.. Working the dirty job… Shitting inside the fence huh?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
40th day of grieving, 1st day of happiness
Today is my 40th day of grieving. And today i am consciously letting go of the pain, resentments and anger.
I went to church today. To the place that is a part of our relationship. and there i cried all my pain. i lift up to Mama Mary all the negative feelings that are weighing me down. And just then I realized that although he has left me, it's not just the pain of the reality that he has left behind. he left me the best gift of all, my Higher Power. He introduced me to my Higher Power and brought me closer to Him.
Today I am letting go. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But one day at a time, I will face my life with hope.
Today is my 40th day of grieving and my first day of happiness. I am letting go of my love with love.
I went to church today. To the place that is a part of our relationship. and there i cried all my pain. i lift up to Mama Mary all the negative feelings that are weighing me down. And just then I realized that although he has left me, it's not just the pain of the reality that he has left behind. he left me the best gift of all, my Higher Power. He introduced me to my Higher Power and brought me closer to Him.
Today I am letting go. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But one day at a time, I will face my life with hope.
Today is my 40th day of grieving and my first day of happiness. I am letting go of my love with love.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Garden of Eden
Amid the jungle of Makati lies the garden of Eden. There is an Adam and there is an Eve too. But George of the jungle has invaded the picture and showed Adam the vine to swing to another jungle in the south where the snake lives.
Adam and Eve lived separately. And one day, the infamous snake made her entrance but it’s Adam she tempted and Eve she hurt. Because Adam and Eve were having problems, the snake hid her fangs and took advantage of Adam’s confidences. She played with the couple’s problems and lured Adam into taking a bite of the apple ( or was it Cherry?).
And a great booming voice could be heard shouting, “I have forbidden you to eat the apple ( or was it Cherry? It’s kinda confusing. Really.) but you disobeyed me. As a punishment, you Adam will live with that snake and be forever blind to the sneakiness that you failed to see right from the start. As a reward, you Eve will meet Prince Charming.”
“Higher Power is that you?” asked Eve.
There came no answer so Eve continued, “If I get to kiss Prince Charming, will he turn into a frog?”
“No I already gave you one Prince Charming who turned into a frog. This time you deserve the real thing.”
Adam and Eve lived separately. And one day, the infamous snake made her entrance but it’s Adam she tempted and Eve she hurt. Because Adam and Eve were having problems, the snake hid her fangs and took advantage of Adam’s confidences. She played with the couple’s problems and lured Adam into taking a bite of the apple ( or was it Cherry?).
And a great booming voice could be heard shouting, “I have forbidden you to eat the apple ( or was it Cherry? It’s kinda confusing. Really.) but you disobeyed me. As a punishment, you Adam will live with that snake and be forever blind to the sneakiness that you failed to see right from the start. As a reward, you Eve will meet Prince Charming.”
“Higher Power is that you?” asked Eve.
There came no answer so Eve continued, “If I get to kiss Prince Charming, will he turn into a frog?”
“No I already gave you one Prince Charming who turned into a frog. This time you deserve the real thing.”
Sneaky Snake
I have always been afraid of snakes. I don’t mind roaches ( as long as they don’t fly). I don’t mind rats either. But snakes? Thanks but no snakes.
I don’t like slithering creatures like worms. To me, they are in cahoots with snakes in scaring the wits out of me. I don’t like to run, but when that factsyet snake greeted me on top of the stairs, the scream failed to get past my throat but run like hell, I did. I don’t like disturbing him especially when he was tired, but whenever I see worms in the bath, cry for help, I did. And knowing my serious fear, he never tried to tease me about it while fishing the worm with a used kiddie toothbrush. I suspect he started the habit of ridding the bath of worms whenever he’d use it before I do.
I tried exorcising my fear of snakes. We went to Manila Zoo (gasp!) and lo and behold, Kim Atienza’s cheesy snake was on display. My idea of exorcism though was manipulating him to touch the snake and have his picture taken. Maybe through projection and association, I would have one less fear. No such luck!
Snakes.. Though I have always been afraid of them, I realized I hate that one particular snake. Be careful mihunko she might bite you too.
I don’t like slithering creatures like worms. To me, they are in cahoots with snakes in scaring the wits out of me. I don’t like to run, but when that factsyet snake greeted me on top of the stairs, the scream failed to get past my throat but run like hell, I did. I don’t like disturbing him especially when he was tired, but whenever I see worms in the bath, cry for help, I did. And knowing my serious fear, he never tried to tease me about it while fishing the worm with a used kiddie toothbrush. I suspect he started the habit of ridding the bath of worms whenever he’d use it before I do.
I tried exorcising my fear of snakes. We went to Manila Zoo (gasp!) and lo and behold, Kim Atienza’s cheesy snake was on display. My idea of exorcism though was manipulating him to touch the snake and have his picture taken. Maybe through projection and association, I would have one less fear. No such luck!
Snakes.. Though I have always been afraid of them, I realized I hate that one particular snake. Be careful mihunko she might bite you too.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
My Brother's Wedding
i got so involved in planning, preparing and coordinating my brother's wedding. it took almost all my time, consuming my days and my energy. after all, it is a practice for when i start preparing for my own wedding.
and the wedding was perfect. i am so happy with how it went, a sign that my own wedding is going to be perfect too.
only i didn't see the signs that my groom was no longer around.
Pongdora's Box
i was swept off my feet.. two years and nine months later, the rug was pulled from under and i saw the lies unraveling before my unbelieving eyes.
it's hard to deal with something after discovering things that put new meaning to everything that happened. my belief that his decreasing amount of time and attention was due to his reason that he is busy at work is now proven as an alibi because there is someone else claiming it. i told myself then that i shouldn't demand too much and for things to stay just the way they are. so i chose to believe him.
he said she is just a stalker. he said it so i believed it. only to find out that isn't true. she is another girlfriend, a girl he lied about when asked by his aunt and friend.
there are so many lies.. lies so sensitive it's hard to write about them. each lie exposed is like a brick falling from the crack on the wall. will the bricks continue falling till the whole wall crumbles? or will there be bricks left on the foundation from which i viewed our relationship?
is the relationship a lie at all?
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